Above All Else
by xXDonnaTylerXx
Summary: He had to tell her something. Sam feels he owes Annie an explanation, can't bear the thought of her coming to any harm after he's gone... and there's one thing that, whatever happens, he can't leave without letting her know. OS set during S2E8, Sam/Annie.


**Hello! Following is what is most likely the longest oneshot you will have ever read - it started out as a tiny idea, a little Sam/Annie to bring a little light into everyone's lives... as it happens, the end product is over 7000 words, and the majority is actually more likely to bring a tear to one's eyes as opposed to laughter. But hey, fics can evolve, can they not?**

**Anyway. This is set during and a little bit after series 2, episdoe 8, so if you don't know the ending to Life On Mars then please AVOID AT ALL COSTS! Because, as well as not making a huge deal of sense, the ending shall be majorly spoiled for _vous. _Can I also say a massive thank you to my lovely beta Beth (Let's Get This Show On The Road) for getting this done so swiftly even though it is so very long. Ta!**

**Please read, hopefully enjoy, and any reviews are very welcome and much, much appreciated. Have a lovely Easter!**

**Donna x**

**Above All Else**

He had to tell her something.

He couldn't just leave without a trace; he couldn't stand the thought that one day soon he would merely disappear from this world forever, leaving her behind with no idea where he'd gone. So much had happened recently... the Guv's arrest; meeting their mysterious acting DCI; hearing the voices by his bedside speaking of his upcoming surgery - a surgery to be performed by none other than one Dr Morgan.

Somehow, he knew Morgan was the key. The constant, the parallel between two worlds, both of which Sam loved in their own way. Although at first he had despised it, he had grown accustomed to 1973 over the past few months, it had come to feel more and more like home... but then there was 2006, where he knew he really belonged, where he was respected and loved and _needed. _

He tried not to think too much about how painful it would be to leave this place, but he knew that either way, one of two things was going to happen over the next few days: he was either going to wake up from this and get home, or he was going to die. It was as simple as that.

Still, he couldn't help but wonder what would happen to the people of this world when he left... would they cease to be real outside his mind? Simply blink out of existence the second he woke up? Somehow, he didn't believe that. Even though every single rational cell in his body told him they were figments of his imagination, that it was ridiculous to be so attached to a group of constructs, it was completely overshadowed by the fact that these people felt more real to Sam than anyone ever had before.

Which was why he couldn't possibly leave them, leave _her, _without some form of goodbye. She deserved that, at least.

Sam sighed, and reached for the clock he kept on the shelf above his bed: seven forty three, which didn't leave much time before he would have to go into work. Things weren't too busy at the moment, since the Guv had only just returned, and everyone was getting on well, no more major arguments... but it did feel as though it could be the calm before the storm of what was to come next.

He thought about it as he heaved himself up and off the bed into a standing position, his back twinging painfully from yet another night tossing and turning in that bloody minuscule bed. A quiet day meant that if he wanted to, there'd be plenty of chances to talk to Annie. But somehow, he didn't think he could do it in person.

Aside from the fact that she probably wouldn't take him seriously if he tried to say goodbye - after all, he had never shut up about leaving this place since the minute he got here - Sam just didn't think he'd be able to go through with it. It would break his heart to tell her what he needed to tell her, see her reaction and then leave... he just wasn't strong enough to do that to her, to _himself, _and right now, as his mother had said over the radio, he had to be the strongest he'd ever been.

Which was why he wouldn't be telling her in person. Why instead, after shaving and showering in the tiny, dank bathroom, Sam sat down at the kitchen table, pulled a sheet of paper towards him and picked up a pen to write it all down. Starting wasn't a problem:

_Annie, _he wrote at the top of the page... and then paused. Maybe this wasn't going to be so easy after all. How the hell could he begin? He knew exactly what he wanted to say, what he needed her to know, but he physically couldn't bring himself to put pen to paper.

Sighing once more and shaking his head slightly, Sam stood up, concluding that he'd be much more in the headspace to write this once he was dressed. And, in fact, he did manage to push the impending task out of his mind as he changed from his pajamas into his usual black trousers and blue striped shirt, focusing instead on such mundane matters as who was on duty in the canteen today, and whether it was currently Chris or Ray who was winning at darts.

But no matter what ridiculous matters he forced himself to contemplate, getting dressed could never possibly take more than three minutes. And when he sat back down, expecting to feel refreshed, he merely found that he was faced once again with that plain sheet of paper, blank save for her name glaring up at him in his own neat handwriting.

He swallowed and held the pen poised a few inches over the sheet, but still nothing sprung to mind. He looked wildly around the little room for inspiration, _anything_ that could give him some idea how to start, how to do this, but all that caught his eye was the kettle. Maybe, he thought, if he made some coffee, he would be-

_No, _he told himself sternly, he couldn't procrastinate any more. This needed to be done for their sake and for his peace of mind - the thought of Annie being left clueless, not knowing where he'd gone or why on earth he'd left her behind, was more than enough to force Sam to start writing. At this point, anything would do. At this point, he didn't need to bother with being poetic or graceful in what he wrote. At this point, she just needed to know, and that was that.

_At this point... _

Not half bad, he thought. And so, slowly at first, pen touched paper and words began to form in his mind. And after he'd written one sentence, the next came naturally. And the next, and the next, and soon he was in full flow, every one of his thoughts pouring directly out onto the page as he wrote and wrote and wrote.

He didn't even need to think about it, didn't pause once, and when he was done, when the page was very nearly full up, Sam didn't read back over what he'd written; he didn't dare. He merely signed off the letter and slipped it directly into an envelope, knowing that if he went back and saw what had just come spilling out, he would never have the courage to leave it for her.

Instead, he went through the final motions on autopilot, trying not to think about the enormity of this as he wrote her name on the front of the envelope and sealed it carefully. He stood up, holding the letter in the tips of his fingers as though it were a red hot poker that he mustn't hold for too long, and looking desperately for a place to leave it. The shelf seemed his best option - a place her eye wouldn't automatically go to when she entered, but not somewhere it would be too difficult to find when she did eventually come looking for him.

And so that was where he put it, and that was where it remained as Sam flopped back onto his bed, feeling as though an immensely heavy weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He exhaled heavily and closed his eyes, trying not to think about everything he had just written, things he had never dreamed he'd admit in a million years. But it was good that she would know, good that she would have _something _to take away the pain of losing him for ever. And meanwhile, he could rest assured that he'd done everything he could to make sure she was okay.

Now that that was done with, he felt like he needed to see her straight away. To make sure she was real, to take her in entirely - the way she moved, the way her hair bounced over her shoulders, the way her eyes sparkled with mischief and passion when she smiled. The way she would always be there for him without fail, the way just the sight of her face gave him comfort when everything else looked so, so bleak. God, it was just indescribable how much he was going to miss her when he-

"Sam?" a voice from outside jolted him from his thoughts, the gentle, merry voice he had been longing to hear all day, "Sam, you still there?"

Immediately, he jumped up and dashed to the door, wanting desperately to see her as soon as possible. And it was odd, but when he opened the door to see Annie standing there, rosy-cheeked and as beautiful as always, he was filled with a sudden rush of emotion and he couldn't say a word.

"I'm glad you're still 'ere." she said cheerily, coming inside, "I'm runnin' dead late this morning, but I thought I'd check to see if you'd left yet so we could walk down to the st..."

Her voice faded as she caught sight of his face, her expression changing to one of concern.

"Are you alright, Sam?"

"I'm fine," he managed, shaking his head slightly and swallowing the lump in his throat, "I, erm... I'm just..." _Sod it._

"I'm just so pleased to see you." he choked honestly, stepping forward without thinking and pulling her into a fierce hug.

Annie, understandably, was taken aback at first, a small cry of surprise escaping her lips as he held her so tightly... but it barely took a second before she was hugging him back entirely, the feel of her arms firmly around him offering instant support. That was one of the things he loved so much about her - the fact that, even when she had no idea what on earth was the matter, she would never hesitate to try and help, to offer all the comfort she possibly could.

"Gosh, Sam!" she exclaimed as they broke apart after a few seconds, sounding slightly out of breath but still with a smile on her face, "Are you alright? What d'you, mean, anyway? You just saw me last night at the Railway!"

"Right." he said quietly, running a hand through his hair. He knew he was acting ridiculous, that he needed to snap out of it, but after writing such an honest letter to her and then seeing her in the flesh, he had been overcome with a strange emotion that he couldn't quite put his finger on.

"I know, of course. I just... I'm fine."

Seeing her still looking at him with some concern, Sam forced a small smile onto his face.

"Honestly, Annie." he assured her, "I'm alright."

"Whatever you say."

After a few moments, she grinned, and he was filled with utter relief.

"You ready to go, then?" he asked cheerily, glad to finally steer the subject away from his odd behavior, and she nodded.

"Yep. I'll just run to the loo first."

She disappeared into the bathroom, and Sam, filled with a sudden happiness, turned to pick up his leather jacket from the chair by the window, but just as he did so the phone on the table sounded its shrill ring.

"Hello?" he answered casually - but the smile slipped immediately from his face as he heard the voice on the other end.

"Sam. It's Frank Morgan. Are you alone? Yes?"

Sam glanced warily over his shoulder at the closed bathroom door, but when Annie didn't emerge he decided it was safe.

"Yeah." he said quietly, dropping into a seat and clutching the phone close to his ear, "Yeah, I'm alone."

"Sam, I know you know what you're doing, but we need to step up a gear. We need to end this."

"And then I can..." he stammered, his eyes widening, "I can come home?"

"Of course." Morgan breathed in sharply before continuing, "We let him slip, just when we had him in our sights. What's our next move?"

"Right, erm..." Sam had been too focused on the idea of finally getting home to properly take in what Morgan had said.

"Sam, we're down to our last window of opportunity." he sounded slightly exasperated, "The sooner we complete the operation-"

"Yes!" he cried excitedly, before remembering Annie in the next room and hastily lowering his voice, "Yes, the operation!"

He was thinking of what his mother had said, about the upcoming surgery and how he had to be strong. Well there was no force on the planet big enough to stop him from doing whatever it took.

There was a long pause, before Morgan's voice sounded again, deep and chilling: "It's time. You must destroy Gene Hunt, and his whole rotten department."

Sam blinked as he abruptly hung up, nothing now but the low, steady beep of the phone's dial tone in his ear. Breathing heavily, and still trying to digest what he had just been told, he slowly replaced the handset.

He couldn't believe this, hated the thought that to get out of here he would have to deliberately ruin the lives of everyone he had come to care about. He had just written in the letter how much they all meant to him, how much it would kill him to see them come to any harm... but of course, he supposed, that was the test. The test to see if he was strong enough, to see quite how far he was willing to go to get home.

And the answer was, quite simply, as far as he needed to. If taking down this department single-handedly was what it would take, then by God, that was exactly what he would do.

"I have to destroy Gene Hunt..." Sam muttered, an edge of finality and determination in his voice, "...and then I can come home."

"Sorry?" came a voice from behind him, and he whipped around, having almost forgotten Annie was there.

"Were you talking to me?" she asked, and Sam was thankful her tone was still light, if a little confused, for it meant she hadn't heard everything that had been said.

"No, no." he said casually, thinking on his feet as he stood up and slipped into his leather coat, "I said, I... I have to talk to DCI Hunt before I come home tonight."

"Oh." she still looked slightly puzzled, and Sam got the idea that maybe his put-on smile wasn't as convincing as he had thought.

"Are you sure you're alright, Sam?" she asked as they made their way over to the door, "You look a bit pale, is all..."

_You would, _he thought, _if you'd just discovered that the only way to get what you wanted was to destroy everyone you care about._

"I think you might be comin' down with something." Annie continued, giving him a lingering look before leaving the flat.

Sam swallowed. "Yeah." he agreed quietly and completely honestly, "Yeah, I think you might be right."

And then he followed her out into the hallway for what might be the last time, not looking back as he shut the door heavily behind them.

* * *

"Spend a night with me, Annie. Just once. No questions, no answers... Just you. And me."

"One night?"

"I can't stay here forever."

"I can't stay... for one night."

* * *

"I see a darkness in you, Sam."

"Oh, you can see into me, can you, Nelson? Well come on then. Am I mad? Eh? Is this real? Come on, I just want to know the truth!"

"We all want that, Sam! What's real, what's not... I see folk who walk about in a sunken dream, 'cos they feel nothing. Are they alive?"

"I wake up, every morning, and I tell myself: I. Am. Alive."

"When you can feel, then you're alive. When you don't feel, you're not."

* * *

"You see? This is just the type of thing that we're trying to stop!"

_"Who's_ trying to stop?"

"I'm, er... I'm working in conjunction with... C Division, in Hyde. I'm undercover. Here."

"You've been spying on us, all along?"

"No. No, I... I didn't... I..."

"All this time. I knew it. I_ bloody_ knew it!"

"I'm trying to save your lives here! I am_ not_ your enemy!"

"Cut the crap! You've been our enemy since day one."

* * *

"Sam..."

"I promise you, I won't leave you."

* * *

"I went someplace, Mum. And every day, I woke up in that place, and I told myself: I'm alive. And I was. In some ways, more than I've ever been. You know, a barman... a barman once told me that you know when you're alive, because you can feel. And you know when you're not... because you don't feel anything.

"I made a promise, Mum. I made a promise to someone who I care about very much."

"Then you've got nothing to worry about. Because you always keep your promises."

* * *

"Tell me."

"Tell you what, Sam?"

"Tell me what I should do, Annie."

"Stay. Here. Forever."

"Alright then, I will."

* * *

It was over.

She wasn't quite sure how, but deep down, Annie just knew that whatever it had been, whatever had been driving Sam so crazy over the past few months, was gone. He hadn't said anything different, hadn't acted at all out of character - no, it was much more subtle than that.

Ever since the day they'd met, there'd been an air about Sam of someone who wasn't staying long, someone who was always on the brink of leaving, most likely not to return. He had always seemed slightly restless, slightly disdainful... but now all of that was gone. Here was a man who was sure of himself, completely content with everything he had and didn't want a single thing in addition.

Well, when she said _nothing _was different... she meant almost nothing. For example, he had never kissed her before, not properly, like he had this afternoon outside the Railway Arms. And in Annie's opinion, it most definitely wasn't a change for the worse.

For some time now, he had been more than just Detective Inspector Tyler to her - in fact, when she thought about it, he never had been. He had been Sam, the mysterious, intriguing man who had burst into her life unexpectedly and turned it upside down entirely. What had struck her had been his complete honesty, his openness and his passion, the way he'd instantly trusted her and, without meaning to, gained her trust and her love in return.

It had always seemed, since the day they met, that she was the one to help him, to be the shoulder for him to cry on and spill all of his feelings to. But, equally, and seemingly without even knowing it, he had helped her immeasurably as well.

He'd been reassuring, a breath of fresh air in this world where she'd always felt unworthy and second best. Every man she'd ever met had told her so, treated her with disrespect... but he had been different. Sam had been unlike any other man she'd met - intelligent, thoughtful, and completely accepting of her opinions and ideas. He looked at her eyes, as opposed to her breasts, when they spoke, he listened to what she had to say on any matter and took on board her contributions with as much consideration as if it had been Chris, Ray, the Guv or indeed any man who'd suggested them.

He had been responsible for her promotion to Detective Constable, he'd gotten the rest of the team to treat her with more respect and equality. He'd brought a fresh new spark to the station, and indeed to her, with his modern ideas and devotion. He'd changed Annie's life, and made her the happiest she'd ever been.

"Annie?" his voice pulled her from her thoughts, making her blink as she realized they were at the top of the stairs, just outside Sam's flat.

"God, sorry!" she said with a smile, shaking her head slightly in surprise at suddenly being aware of her surroundings, "I was ou' of it then!"

He shot her a questioning look over his shoulder as he unlocked the door.

"What were you thinking about?" he asked, looking quite amused.

"Oh, you know..." she said vaguely, following him inside, "Just... the case, really."

Yes, that was a good enough cover-up. After all, they, Gene and the rest of the team had been discussing nothing else all day.

"I was thinkin'," she continued to ramble, "You know that Cale bloke, the shooter from Archer Lane this afternoon? Well I was speakin' to this girl, Em, 'oo saw the whole thing, and she said he did some strange move with 'is guns."

She swallowed, knowing that she was speaking too fast and that what she was saying was completely pointless, but when the nerves kicked in, Annie could be surprisingly talkative.

"Now, the Guv seemed to think Chas Cale was just a bit of a nutcase, but I was wonderin' if it was some sort of code, if there's someone else in on it? We could try checking for any associates of his in the morning. Either that, of course, or it could be some deep-rooted psyc... ol... ogic... al..."

Her voice faded as, with a knowing smile, Sam rolled his eyes and pulled her into his arms. Annie could barely breathe, didn't dare move just in case it turned out this wasn't real. It was what she had wanted for so long...

"Annie," he whispered, the smile still there that made him just so _Sam, _and drew her closer, "I think maybe the case can wait until tomorrow."

And then, quite simply, he kissed her.

There was no way to describe it except for _magical, _in more ways than she had ever thought possible. Their kiss down at the Railway had been sweet, of course, loving, but still tentative as the two of them had entered the new stage in their relationship. This kiss started in the same way, but in very little time indeed it became more desperate, so much more passionate as they felt a bond between them, a sheer _need _for each other that neither had experienced before.

It was an utterly perfect moment...perfect, that was, for a good few seconds, until Annie saw it. Not clearly at first, but just a glimpse of the corner of her eye. Frowning, she pulled back, and although she was confused, she did appreciate just how crestfallen Sam looked.

"What is it?"

"I dunno, I just thought I saw..."

She peered around the room, trying to work out where she'd seen it. It had been quick, just a glance - was it possible that she had imagined seeing her own name?

No. There it was, on the shelf opposite the door, not noticeable as soon as they'd walked in. But up there, beside the portable radio and the photograph of the boy in the policeman's uniform, sat a white envelope, blank except for the word _Annie _written on the front in his neat handwriting.

"What _is_ that?" she questioned as a look of realization dawned over Sam's face - and not realization of a good thing. Puzzled, she started towards the shelf, but he was too quick for her. Before she knew it, he had darted over and snatched up the envelope, stashing it hurriedly in his jacket pocket.

"It's nothing." he tried, and failed, to assure her, "Honestly, it's not important."

This was so strange.

"What's inside?" she pressed, beyond confused, "Sam, why don't you want to tell me?"

"Please, Annie." he said quietly, almost desperately, and stepped closer to her once again, "I just need you to trust me, and let it go. Can you do that?"

There were a few seconds, each of which felt like several hours, where she simply looked deeply right into his eyes, and she could feel him pleading with her silently. Finally, she managed to speak, her voice quiet and heartfelt.

"There's always got to be one last mystery with you, hasn't there, Sam? Even when all of this seems like it's over, there still has to be something, no matter how small, that you won't tell me."

Silence followed once again for a few painfully long seconds as he digested her words, before he sighed, and their eye contact was finally broken. Sam sat down on the edge of the bed, running a hand through his hair and looking as though he was preparing himself for something.

"For so long, Annie," he began wearily, his voice quiet, "Ever since I got here, in fact, my mind has been focused on one goal, one objective: to get out."

She remained standing, unsure what to do with herself as he continued, his voice gaining in power as he went.

"And over these past few months, I haven't thought about anything else. _Anything. _I didn't let myself, because I knew that if anything, no matter how small, distracted me for even one moment, I wouldn't be able, I wouldn't be _allowed_ to get home. And nothing did, in the end. I succeeded, I did what I set out to do and I got out of this place. I got home.

"But when we focus entirely on one hope, one dream, we lose sight. We become... obsessed, don't stop for a single second to consider, and to think about what we really want. To realize that, actually, we don't hate everything about the situation we're in, that in fact there's not much we hate at all. I certainly didn't, and I still didn't realize until it was too late. Until I was back there, back where I'd wanted to be for _so long, _and suddenly that place didn't feel real any more. Suddenly there was something else I was focused on, and suddenly that was getting back to the place I'd been fighting so hard to leave.

"I had a choice, Annie, a decision to make, and I made it. I chose to come back here, to save you, to stay here, because I realized that it's..."

Her eyes were swimming with tears, and as he gently took her hand and pulled her down to sit beside him, she saw that his were too.

"It's _this." _he gestured to the space between them, his voice practically a whisper, "_This_ is what I really want, Annie. You. And me. Right here. Forever. And that's all."

He finished, and Annie didn't say a word, couldn't bring herself to. Couldn't begin to put into words how she was feeling after everything he'd said, what she was feeling for him. There were at least ten seconds before the anything happened, but when it did, the result was just indescribable.

After that long, she just couldn't resist any longer, and without warning she pulled him into a kiss so intense it was a wonder either of them were yet living and breathing. Gone were the months of coy flirting between them, for _this _was what they had been leading up to. Gone was any shyness or tentativeness, gone was even the slightest doubt that the other wanted this just as much as they did.

This time, they were most definitely headed somewhere. And both Sam and Annie had the feeling they knew _exactly _where that place was.

* * *

As Annie gradually awoke, she knew before she even opened her eyes that something was different. Not bad different, just something... _unusual_ that she couldn't quite put her finger on.

And then she realized. Remembered, all of a sudden, where she was, what was odd, and when she did, a wide smile spread immediately over her face. She was not, as she had been every night for so very long, alone in her bed in her flat. Instead of a pillow, her head was resting across his chest, his arms wound around her offering more warmth and security than any blanket ever could.

Annie opened her eyes slowly, and propped herself up on one elbow, delighting in gazing at his sleeping face. And now, as she was completely awake, she couldn't believe that she'd forgotten, even for a fraction of a second, what had happened between she and Sam the night before.

Many times before, she knew, he had wanted her to stay, to spend the night with him. Hell, he had asked her outright. And in no way was Annie denying that she had wanted to, of course she had, practically right from the start, longed for nothing more... but it would have been wrong. Always, before now, he had been unsettled, confused, never really thinking straight and saying such strange, unfathomable things.

Until last night. Now, for the first time, everything seemed settled between them, everything totally calm and the two of them thinking clearly about what they wanted, where things would go between them. Determined and prepared to do whatever it took to make this work... and it did. Last night had been, in every sense of the word, _amazing. _Loving, honest, passionate beyond belief. And Annie knew that she would never forget it for as long as she lived.

For at least ten minutes, she was completely content to watch him sleep, his face more peaceful and carefree than she had ever seen it. And as she took him in, Annie's mind wandered. Wandered back to all of the months she'd known him, back to everything that had happened over the last few days. To the events of last night... The coy banter between them, the looks shared that had confirmed their shared want. Their _amazing _kiss...

But then it came back to her. A slight frown creased her brow as she remembered that that kiss had been cut short, that she had been distracted. The mysterious envelope that he had seemed so panicky about, yet had been addressed to her, clear as day. And she had absolutely no idea what could possibly have been inside.

It wasn't that she didn't trust Sam - quite the opposite, in fact, for she would willingly lay her life in his hands any day, and was more sure of his love for her than she was of her own name. No, it was sheer curiosity that drove Annie to slip out of the bed in the early, early hours of that morning, to make her way silently across the room to where their clothes had been so carelessly discarded on the floor the previous night.

A tiny voice told her that this was wrong as she located his leather jacket near the door that led to the bathroom, but she forced it to the back of her mind - she had to. She had come this far, there was no way she could go without finding out now. Swallowing, she reached into the front pocket and pulled out the envelope, crumpled from when Sam had so hurriedly stuffed it in there.

Annie gently smoothed out the creases, shivering as her fingers brushed over her own name, written so clearly in his neat script. She wasn't sure if it was the nerves, or merely the cold draft blowing in from the one open window, but nonetheless it was enough cause to make her grab Sam's dressing gown from the back of the chair, and wrap it tightly around her before dropping silently into a seat at the table.

It smelled like him, and Annie took comfort in that fact as she silently opened the envelope and pulled out a folded sheet of paper. And there was no way of possibly denying it now, her heart felt like it could burst from her chest at any second as she unfolded the letter with shaking hands.

_Annie, _she read at the top of the page, before sensing a movement behind her and, terrified, whipping around. But it had been nothing, merely Sam moving a fraction of an inch but remaining, thankfully, fast asleep.

She shook her head slightly, and squeezed her eyes shut for a moment to pull herself together and find, from somewhere, the courage to go through with this. And somehow, she did. Opening her eyes wide and drawing Sam's robe more tightly around her, Annie took one final deep breath, and then began to read:

_Annie,_

_At this point, I know you'll probably be wondering what's happened to me, where on Earth I am. Because if I'm right, very recently, I will have disappeared seemingly without trace, and you've come to my flat to look for me. And I'm sorry, Annie, really I am, but I can't possibly tell you where I've gone. It would be far too complicated, much too far-fetched for you to understand. But it's better this way. Honest._

_It may not feel like it now - hell, it's killing me to even write this, let alone imagine how I'll feel once I've actually left - but believe me, no matter how hard it is, that it's all for the best. You and I both know, deep down, that I've never belonged here. That ever since the day I arrived in this new, intriguing place, I've been an outsider, the odd one out in this arrangement. It's never been permanent, never, I've always known that I was going to get out. And, if you're reading this now, it means I have._

_But I want you to know, just like I told you before, that I don't hate everything about this place... far from it. I've grown to like it here, I daresay even _love_ some aspects... the strange little routines, some of the most ridiculous cases. The fights, and the drinks down at the Railway in the evening. You. _

_But before I come back to that, before I write what needs to be written, there's something I need you to do for me. I know it seems unfair, know that right now you probably hate me for leaving and that's all there is to it, but there are some things I need you to let the team know. You don't need to give them all the details, just tell them that I'm safe, and not to try and find me - if they even want to, that is, I wouldn't be surprised if they're just glad to see the back of me after all the bother I've been..._

_Anyway. Just tell them that I'm safe, that I'm happy, and that it's better off this way. Let Chris know, from me, that he's one of the fastest learners I've ever come across, and that one day he's going to make a fantastic detective. Tell Phyllis to have a port and lemon on me next time she's down the pub. Ray... wish Ray all the best, and say good luck with running for Detective Inspector. Tell everyone at the station that it's been a pleasure to work with them, and... educational, to say the very least._

_And as for the Guv, I want you to say to him, and do use these exact words: that he is a pathetic, middle-aged homophobic bastard, who has a mind like a sewer, a face like a Wellington boot, more respect for a large scotch than any woman who's ever lived and who could seriously do with losing a pound or twenty. And that he is the best bloody copper I've ever had the fortune of working with._

_Now this, Annie, is where it gets difficult for me. It's all very well figuring out what I need to say to the team, but there are some things I need you to know as well. So many things, things that when I admit them to myself, make me not want to go. And I have to, honestly I do, it's just the way it needs to be._

_Firstly, I have to know that you understand completely that my leaving was nothing to do with you. In fact, quite the opposite - you are the one thing that makes me want to stay above all else. The idea that when I go, I'll never see you again, gives me an ache inside that I've never experienced before. Because your help has meant an indescribable amount to me, Annie, right from the start._

_From my very first day, from the moment you almost snapped my neck in half and punched me in the stomach, there was something about you that made me trust you instantly. Some instinct, a deep rooted feeling that I could tell you everything and not worry. I never did, I never thought for one second that you'd find me mad, or scary, that you'd send me to the doctor, that you'd do anything at all, in fact, other than try to help me in every way you could._

_And you did. You have always been here for me, always stuck by me and not run away. Listened to my problems, my ramblings, never minded when I was being cryptic or acting madly - which, looking back now, I realize that I've done quite a lot of. You listened, and you tried to help, even though I'm positive that half the time you must have had no clue what I was talking about. You were the shoulder to cry on, Annie, the helping hand. The one I could trust explicitly, the only thing keeping me here and keeping me sane. Which is precisely why I'm about to tell you what I am, and it isn't going to be easy._

_I need to tell you that I love you. I do, and although it's taken a while for me to be able to admit it, you must know how true it is, how valuable your help and just your _company _have been over all these months. The truth of the matter is, I wouldn't be here without you, Annie. That first day, and every day since, you've been the one to pull me back when I've felt like jumping, to bring me crashing back down to earth when it all got too much. To give me hope, and to bring some sort of purpose to my life._

_You've kept me alive and you've kept me fighting. But above all else you've kept me happy, Annie Cartwright, and for that there is no way I can thank you enough._

_There's just one more thing I need you to know and to do for me. For a while, something's been troubling me - the fact that I don't know what will happen to you after I leave. It's been killing me, the thought that you might be anything less than okay, that my going could bring you any harm whatsoever... But do you know what, Annie? I need never have worried. Because I've realized, recently, just how well I know you, know that you are without a doubt the strongest person I've ever met. That your intelligence, and your passion and your _heart_ have got you out of every bad situation you've found yourself in._

_And for that reason, Annie, I know you'll be fine. All the time we've known each other, you've always done everything you could, not only for yourself but for everyone else as well. And I want your word, even though I can't hear you, that you'll go on being that person. That you'll carry on standing up to the Guv, carry on putting your all into every single case, carry on caring more than anybody else. Carry on helping people, and please, for the love of God, try and help yourself a little too._

_Try not to be too upset that I've gone. Find a way to let me go like I know you can - talk to Gene, talk to Phyllis, hell, find somebody else, if that's what it takes. Someone who can give you everything you've ever wanted, Annie, someone to listen to you, to appreciate how amazing you are, your kindness and your passion. Somebody to love, and somebody to give you all the love in return that you absolutely deserve. _

_It kills me, really it does, that that person can't be me, but I do need you to know that you'll always be on my mind. That I'll never stop thinking about you, never stop loving you, and that as long as you promise to carry on just being _you, _I'll always be right beside you. Just where I belong._

_Yours forever,_

_Sam_

Annie was - there was only one word for it - stunned. She had barely been able to see the last few paragraphs clearly, so full up were her eyes with tears, but nonetheless the meaning had shone through as clear as day. He loved her.

She didn't know what emotion it was that was consuming her, but whatever it was, it hit her harder than a lorry as she placed the letter back down on the table. There was just so much at once: she felt touched by the things he'd said about her; heartbroken at his honesty. Overjoyed that he felt those things for her; hurt that he'd thought she could ever consider finding another man after knowing and loving him.

Because that was the feeling that was most definitely strongest of all. She loved him entirely, couldn't possibly imagine how dreadful life would have been had he decided not to come back, to really and truly leave her behind forever. It was unthinkable, and his words from last night floated back to her:

_"I had a choice, Annie, a decision to make, and I made it. I chose to come back here, to save you, to stay here, because I realized that it's... It's this. This is what I really want, Annie. You. And me. Right here. Forever. And that's all."_

And it was all she wanted too, more than anything. Annie blinked, and instantly the tears brimmed over the edge, cascading down her cheeks at an alarming rate. And all of a sudden she felt terrible, terrible for not letting it go when he'd asked her, for sneaking out of bed to read the letter against his pleading. For actually not regretting doing it at all, for being glad that she'd read all the heartfelt, honest things he'd written.

But mostly, she just felt terrible purely because she wasn't with Sam right now, holding him close and reveling in the fact that they could stay together forever. And so, that was exactly what she did. Whereas before, her hands had been shaking profusely, Annie was firm now, deliberate, as she wiped every single tear from her face. She slid the letter neatly back into the envelope, stuffed it back into his pocket, and dropped the jacket back to the floor where it had been all evening.

And as she slipped back under the covers beside Sam, back into his arms, the weight was instantly lifted from her shoulders.

"I love you." she whispered into him, not another care, or indeed thought, in the world besides how happy she was. And, although he was still three-quarters asleep, she could hear him loud and clear as he whispered back.

"I love you too."

And that was all that mattered. The two of them slept soundly, all of the months, the complications and the frustration behind them. They were just Sam and Annie, together. Like they always would be.

And that was all.

* * *

**Just a quick note, to let my regular readers know that I really haven't given up on my other stories. There's a Doctor Who oneshot that I'm nearly done with, and then _Simple Love _and _In It Together _I promise will be updated in the relatively near future. I do apologise for the mega mega delays, but you know how it is! Thank you for reading, and please do drop me a review or PM - both positive and negative feedback is hugely helpful! **

**Donna x**


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